There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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