apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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