she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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