needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
