ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
