he puts the penis in happiness.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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