She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
