i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This baby is an asshole
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
