She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
