I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
