i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
two words: eviction party
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Less talking, more tequila
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
