The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
