The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
