After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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