Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
