That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
