im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
