I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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