peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
