Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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