I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
