My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
