ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
