Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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