Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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