careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
