Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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