The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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