Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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