he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
