shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
