i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
