he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
