Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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