I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
