last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
