this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
