And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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