If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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