when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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