how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Farmville is her only friend.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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