i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
