I just pynch a tree in the face
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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