How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
