i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
