Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
