...so i touched it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
