We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i need an iv and a liver transplant
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
