Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
