I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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