i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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